A Deeper Look At Marriage and Finance Issues: Unity
As I loosely stated in my last post about finances and marriage: I’m totally, madly in love with my wife. She has the qualities that I dreamed of and qualities I didn’t know I should have been dreaming of. One of the things that happened earlier this week was that I bought an iPhone for work. As a self-employed individual I make choices for the business that can impact my family’s finances. My wife was behind me on the decision to buy the iPhone. We were unified. When it comes down to it she understood the business need, she understood the financial impact, and she understood the tax benefits, too. Pretty sweet, I know.
In marriage unity is the thing that most people think is ‘lucky’ or non-critical because people have differences of opinion. Wrong! Unity in marriage is going to impact your whole marriage: money, politics, religion, sex and toothpaste tubes need unity. OK, maybe you can get by with different views on toothpaste tube squeezing. I recommend buying that Mentadent stuff because it has no tubes you can squeeze. Unity in finances means that you have planned and prioritized together. You have a unified goal and vision.
If you look at spending and income and have a unified mind on those areas you will have a great chance of being able to relax there and focus on other areas that need more attention. Yes, that could mean physical intimacy, but also children being raised, social events, or possibly vacations (yes, those are an important ingredient in a frugal life). Unity in income & outgo means that extra hours worked or special exceptions in finances are not going to be a big deal like they might be if you were not of the same mindset. It means that you look at your priorities and decide to buy your children a craft table rather than buying a wii. The kids can play, learn and grow (and you can help them) and basically get to develop in non-video game ways because you two prioritized in a unified manner and made the best choice for the family with that extra windfall money.
Unity is not easy, sometimes it takes lots of time to work out differences, but it must be a priority. Absolutely. If there is an area where you don’t have unity, stop what you’re doing. Take time off. Get the kids a baby sitter or send them to a friends house and get things back into a unified fashion. This will keep you marriage strong and help your finances stay focused where they should be. Remember: finances are statistically a major part of marriage problems - don’t be a number, unless you’re unified into one mind.
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